Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
