I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm bleeding and have questions
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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