i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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