Taylor Swift is so right about you.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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