So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
