i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
