nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
