He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
