Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
