i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize