So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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