Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
