She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
