The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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