tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
