i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
