I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
