I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
