VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
