Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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