She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm both gender and math confused
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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