ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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