Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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