I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
