dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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