my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
