this beer tastes like vomit already
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
