Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize