Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
