uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
