Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
