i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I have tasted many bathrooms
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
