there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
