I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
that's an acceptable place to lick
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
