nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
