Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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