I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
he shaved USA in his pubs
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Randomize
