worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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