I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
