oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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