some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
