Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
