so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
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