we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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