Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
