do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
