Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize