I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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