found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
