Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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