we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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