I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
