something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
