She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Terrible idea I love it
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
