just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
