Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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