She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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