Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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