The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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