So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
