Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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