I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
