Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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