Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
